Bullying — spot it, stop it, use your rights.

Bullying is behavior meant to hurt, harm, or humiliate. It usually comes from someone with more social or physical power, and it usually happens again and again. It can happen in person or online.

Children with disabilities are bullied more often than other kids. PACER's National Bullying Prevention Center notes that only ten U.S. studies have looked at bullying and developmental disabilities, and every one of them found that children with disabilities were two to three times more likely to be bullied. The National Autism Association and the Organization for Autism Research both cite a survey in which 63% of autistic kids ages 6 to 15 had been bullied at some point. OAR notes the rate for their siblings was 12%.

Some reasons autistic kids are targeted: fewer protective friendships, social rules that aren't obvious, stims or interests that peers see as "weird," and sometimes not recognizing that they're being teased or set up.

Many kids don't report bullying. Autistic kids may not have the words, may not realize what's happening, or may have been told not to tell. Watch for changes, especially if your child also has trouble describing their day. StopBullying.gov lists signs like these:

• Unexplained injuries, or lost or broken belongings
• Frequent headaches or stomachaches, or "feeling sick" before school
• Coming home starving (lunch may be getting skipped)
• Sleep trouble or nightmares
• Falling grades, or not wanting to go to school
• Losing friends, or avoiding social situations
• Lower self-esteem, or saying things like "I'm stupid" or "nobody likes me"
• Running away, self-harm, or talk of suicide. Get help right away (call or text 988). Crisis prep is also in the Emergency-ready guide.

For autistic kids, add: more meltdowns or shutdowns after school, new scripts or phrases that sound like insults, a sudden refusal of a class, the bus, or recess, or changes in a device's message history.

• Ask concrete questions: "Who did you sit with at lunch?" "What happened on the bus today?" "Did anyone say something that felt bad?"
• Use visuals: a drawing of the school day, a feelings scale, or a social-story format ("Sometimes kids say mean things. When that happens, I can…").
• Give AAC users the vocabulary: "mean," "hurt me," "took my stuff," "scared," "tell teacher." See Communication & AAC.
• Explain what bullying is. Some autistic kids don't realize that "friends" who make them do embarrassing things aren't being friends. Body-related teasing overlaps with Puberty & body safety.
• Stay calm. Listen without judgment, and let your child have a say in what happens next. PACER notes that involving the student in deciding how to respond can restore a sense of control.

Scripts for telling a co-parent or relatives are in Talking to family & friends.

Your notes turn "he says kids are mean" into a pattern the school has to address.

• Date, time, place, who was involved, and what happened, in your child's words if possible
• Photos of injuries or damaged items
• Screenshots of texts, posts, or messages, with dates
• Names of witnesses or staff who were present
• Every contact with the school: who you talked to, when, and what they said they'd do

Phone calls are easy to forget. Emails create a record. PACER offers free template letters for students with an IEP or a 504 plan. Its advice: keep the letter factual, not emotional.

Dear [Principal's name],

I'm writing to report bullying of my child, [Child's name], in [Grade], who has a disability and a [Plan type (IEP or 504)]. On [Dates], [What happened]. This is affecting [Pronouns (his, her, or their)] education: [Impact on your child]. I'm asking the school to investigate, take steps to stop the bullying and keep it from happening again, and schedule a [Plan type (IEP or 504)] meeting to discuss supports. Please send me a copy of the district's bullying policy and a written response describing the actions you'll take.

Thank you,
[Your name & contact]

Also ask for a copy of your district's bullying policy. Every state has bullying laws, and many districts have their own procedures and timelines.

This is the part most schools don't explain. According to StopBullying.gov and PACER:

• When bullying is based on a child's disability and is serious enough to create a hostile environment, it can be disability harassment under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act and Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act.
• Schools are required to respond. That means investigating, ending the harassment, addressing the hostile environment, and preventing it from happening again.
• Bullying can also deny a student with an IEP or 504 plan a free appropriate public education (FAPE), even when the bullying isn't about the disability. PACER cites federal guidance from 2000 and 2014 on this point.
• These protections cover students who have a 504-qualifying disability even if they don't currently have a plan.
• If the school doesn't act, families may consider filing a complaint with the U.S. Department of Education's Office for Civil Rights (OCR), which enforces Section 504 and Title II.

StopBullying.gov notes that IEPs and 504 plans can be used to build personalized prevention and response plans. Ask the team to consider:

• A safe adult your child can go to, and a signal to use
• Supervision in hot spots: the bus, the hallway, the bathroom, recess, lunch
• Social skills or self-advocacy goals. PACER describes self-advocacy as speaking up, describing your needs, and knowing your rights.
• Counseling to process what happened
• Staff training, and peer education if your child wants it
• Never moving the bullied child as the "solution," unless your family requests it

If behavior at school is changing because of bullying, our School behavior guide explains how to make sure your child isn't the one punished. Meeting basics are in the IEP guide.

Protective friendships are one of the strongest buffers against bullying.

• Peer education: the Organization for Autism Research's Kit for Kids is a K–8 peer-education program, built around the booklet What's Up with Nick?, that teaches classmates about autistic peers. Ask your school about it.
• Interest-based clubs: chess, robotics, art, gaming. Places where your child's deep interests are an asset.
• Peer advocacy: NAA, citing PACER, reports that more than half of bullying situations stop when a peer steps in. Many schools have peer-ally programs.
• At home: affirm your child's identity. Being autistic isn't the problem. Being treated as "less than" is.

Pages and documents this guide draws on.

• StopBullying.gov: Bullying and Youth with Disabilities and Special Health Needs — Increased risk, using an IEP or 504 plan, and disability harassment under Section 504 and Title II.
• StopBullying.gov: Warning Signs for Bullying
• PACER's National Bullying Prevention Center: Students with Disabilities — The two-to-three-times risk, adult intervention, self-advocacy, the harassment threshold, OCR, FAPE, and template letters.
• NAA: Bullying prevention — The IAN 63% statistic, and peer advocacy.
• Organization for Autism Research: Kit for Kids — Peer-education program. OAR's page also cites a 2012 Kennedy Krieger study: 63% of autistic children surveyed had been bullied, versus 12% of their siblings.
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline